How'd We Do it?
|Synopsis||When Sisko infiltrates a Dominion Outpost using a Jem Hadaar personal cloaking device, he becomes genetically altered when the device integrates itself with his DNA.|
|Major Character and Plot Points||Worf performing as a diplomat and his future ambitions. Dax ribbing Worf for having to put up with the Ferengi. Rom and the fact that he is losing respect for his brother for not believing in anything. Glimpse into Nausican culture and it's differences from Ferengi culture.|
|Rene's Comments||This pitch was an absolute disaster. I want admit that forcefully.
Rene' was not the most confused person in the room halfway into the story.
That was me. When my partner, Peter was reading the pitch, it was just
coming out awful. We tried this tactic that threw the audiance right into
the middle of the action and then the plan was to work half the episode
as a flashback and the next haldf in actual time. The whole, "throw
you into the middle of the story" twist, which worked well during
casual explanation fell flat. I wanted to die. I totally felt like we was
wasting Rene's time.
The fundamental reason for this disaster was because this pitch was
given completely linear. We should have prefaced that fact that the first
half of the story was a flashback up front. For some ungodly reason, we
thought that the punch of being thrown into the middle of all of this would
be a knockout. We still could have done this at the end, after Rene' had
possibly bought into the story told linearly. I'll never forget the look
on his face when Peter said the line that ended the first major flashback
-"This brings us to the minute Bashir arrived at the station."
At that moment I wished a stone would fall out of the sky and kill me.
When you go in, the receiver of the pitch wants to hear you tell a story. He wants his imagination to be piqued. He wants to envision your story. The person hearing your pitch does not want to have to consult a flow chart to see understand what's going on. Jerry Taylor said it something like this - "when you have a good idea, you can get it out in under 20 words and everybody's jaw drops." This was not the way that Changes came out, even though the story was very compelling.
|The Pitch as Delivered||Called back by a frantic Worf, Bashir returns to find the station preparing
for war. He is led to the brig and hears snippets that the Doctor he left
in charge, Ginru, is dead. In the Brig he sees a Jem Hadaar defector, Mabaluak
with Dax and is horrified to find a half Jem Hadaar Captain Sisko confined
to a cell.
Worf begins explaining and a flashback begins. After Bashir left, a
Jem Hadaar shuttle, arrived. Mabaluak, a defector born not addicted to
the white offers the Federation information to bring down the Dominion
and stop the enslavement of his people, who were a proud, eloquent race
before the Dominion re-engineered them. Mabaluak warns that the Klingon's
He has a cache of data stored back on an Outpost not far away. To get in someone must have his personal cloak implanted into. Desperate for intelligence on the Dominion Sisko has the device implanted, by Dr. Gimru and is able to cloak himself at will. The Jem Hadaar hormones threaten his health and make him aggressive.
He goes to the Outpost as a Jem Hadaar and looks for the data, but can't find it. As he is leaving, someone senses the familiar cloaking device and Sisko kills him quickly. Three guards block the way to the Defiant. He attacks them brutally, killing them all and escapes.
When Gimru removes the Jem Hadaar features, Sisko is only half restored. The hormones are still active. The cloak cannot be removed. Sisko confronts Mabaluak, who informs Sisko that there is a special 3 man Jem Hadaar team coming to track down whoever has the cloaking device in him.
Gimru is accidentally killed while trying to remove the cloak Sisko runs off in a rage and only Odo (a founder can calm him) Worf calls for Bashir. This brings us to the minute Bashir arrived at the station.
Sisko wants to take the team on, known as a "Veco." He will only accept assistance from Worf, and remarks about his Batlath, which he is wielding as he guards the Captain.
Bashir he won't be able to remove the cloaking device until the Veco threat has been diffused. Sisko senses that the Veco have arrived and have sneaked past security. Odo scrambles security all over the station and goes to head them off. Worf releases him so he doesn't die in a cell. They go about looking for the Jem Hadaar.
Two of the Jem Hadaar are killed, but Worf is knocked unconscious before he can call to Odo. The third Jem Hadaar bears down on Sisko, calling him a shame and a coward for taking the disgrace of another. He is about to kill him when Odo steps between them and offers the Veco Mabaluak as their prisoner, but orders that he not be killed. Odo feels no remorse for Mabaulak, as he tried to pass off his death sentence on Sisko. Bashir repairs the damage to Sisko and the Captain regrets acting in desperation to gain intelligence on the Dominion.